Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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