My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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