dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
