WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
