I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and she was petting her beer can
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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