My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
