i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
