I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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