I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
