Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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