does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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