And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize