How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
