Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
