I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
