Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
