Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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