naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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