That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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