you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
