my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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