Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
