just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
