She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
