When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
