If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
