my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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