Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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