We named our party play list daddy issues
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
