peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
