What a fucking waste of an outfit
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Randomize
