Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize