We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
