he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
