I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
