You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
