Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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