Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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