you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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