i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
