i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
