Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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