I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
