I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize