my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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