YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
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