therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
