Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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