If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
