the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
