omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
