I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
someone owes me an orgasm
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
