Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
