I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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