Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
