I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
