Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
