singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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