i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
