He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
