I puked a lego.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
