organizing the empties. That sober.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
