one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
