So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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