she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
