So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
are you still at the devil's house?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
